SACRAMENTO, CA—Citing his cocksure disregard for standard procedure in favor of a more fast-and-loose approach, stunned sources reported Wednesday that loose-cannon cop Colin Roherty refuses to play by the rules, employing his own unorthodox system to file documents while on desk duty. “Instead of doing things by the book, this guy cuts through all the bullshit, three-hole punching everything left and right until his paperwork is completely organized,” said fellow officer Greg Yannis, observing that despite Roherty’s devil-may-care attitude toward plastic sheet protectors and binder tabs, he always manages to get the job done. “His desk is covered in all kinds of Post-it notes, and one time, he stayed up all night dropping manila folders back into the hanging files just because his gut told him he was onto something. Say what you will about his methods—that son of a bitch gets results.” At press time, Roherty had been called in for a dressing-down from his sergeant, who threatened to take away the maverick cop’s badge and stapler.
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